Identity crisis

Monday March 24th

I was just thinking, (about Bridget fitting in and making friends) and it got me to thinking about my own journey.

At what point do we, as parents, accept that our offspring are not going to fix the mistakes we made growing up? e.g. is Bridget allowed to make her own mistakes? even ones that I don't want her to make because they hurt too much? Is trying to help her avoid mistakes, stealing valuable learning opportunities for her?

I don't want my sweet little girl to ever feel hurt by her friends because she doesn't fit in, or they think she is weird. I think this was one of my big issues growing up, I could never accept myself as being myself. I always thought I was supposed to be someone different. Act a different way, act the way everyone else did (or how I perceived them to act). If I did act the way I thought others wanted me to act, would they like me better. I think growing up all over the place, and going to 4 different high schools really had an impact on me that I never before realized. I think that my "theatrical" streak was squashed when I started high school. Would I have turned out differently if I had nurtured that part of me? At Albert, I didn't try and hide that part of my personality, and it was the best out of all my high school years, is that significant? is my love of public speaking and being in front of an audience a product of this "theatrical" side?

Now that I accept me for who I am, faults and all :) (p.s. I love who I am, and all the fun things I do as hobbies and things I do with my family) the one downside is... I have no friends.

It's funny, now that I don't care what others think of me, that I have so many outside interests, I have no friends. "They" always say that your friends should and will love you just the way you are, if you let them see that person. I don't agree with this... since I am now who I really really want to be (I'm so happy with my life) but I have no friends... So why don't people like me just the way I am?

When I was young I always tried to be someone I thought others wanted to be friends with (e.g. the party girl, or the popular girl etc...) now that I live my life for me and I spend the majority of my time with my family and doing my hobbies (the gym, photography, scrapbooking, the cats etc...) I don't have any friends.
Does this mean if you follow your heart and do what feels best and right for you, that people wont be friends with you?
I know in my heart, the reason I don't have friends is that I don't have time for them, I don't have time to cultivate those relationships, because I am too busy pursuing what I love... the question is, can the 2 exist together? can you have friends and be who you are meant to be at the same time?

I hope for Bridget's sake the answer is Yes. I want her to have friends, and I want her to follow her own path and destiny. I just don't think I am a very good teacher or mentor for her in this respect.

I know... pretty deep for a Monday :)