This is a great discussion, thank you for the honesty and creative solutions. I might have to give some of them a try.
(@ Clare, I love Mariane Keys too!)
I had something happen to me about 8 years ago that I needed to 'bounce' back from, I am still working through it but find that I am less and less negatively affected by it.
background: When I returned to work after a long (1 year) maternity leave. In Canada we can take up to 12 months after the birth of a child, and can still expect our job to be waiting... or so I interpreted. Upon my return from Maternity leave, I found that the person I hired to temporarily replace me was now my boss. I was infuriated, I felt betrayed, I felt it was illegal (very grey area), I was so angry.
I spent years seeing a psychiatrist once per week, on a variety of antidepressants (celexa for 5+ years) and went through a variety of 'coaches' in various areas of my life. I seriously thought there was something wrong with me. I was struggling at being a new mom and feeling like a failure at my career.
I remember feeling 'stuck', I was terrified of moving, of change. Part of it was because I felt like a failure (if my company that I had given 12 years too didn't want me or need me, well then who else would), and the other part was I was severely depressed. I kept saying "I can't change or I won't change", the best thing for me would have been to change jobs to get out of the toxic (for me) situation, but I was completely paralyzed by the idea of it. I don't know how I did it, but I was able to change companies and jobs. And this was the beginning of my resilience training. Action. If you don't like where you are, then move. I have been trying to practice this for the past 8 years, with some success.
Fast forward 8+ years, and thank goodness for time's ability to provide perspective. I can honestly say the anger that I held inside me for the perceived injustice that I felt was perpetrated against me, is *almost* gone. I wasted years of my life feeling like I was betrayed, and now I know that perhaps I was betrayed... but I was betrayed by a company, that was just doing what companies do... make money.
not a person, but a 'thing', a company.
it is hard to be angry at a thing, because in all reality the only person my anger was hurting was myself.
I like to think that my journey over the past 8+ years has not been wasted. I have learned a lot about myself and about how to adapt to change. Embrace it! change will happen even if you don't want it to.
Now I am trying to reverse some of the damage my anger and negative self image inflicted upon me. (weight gain and isolation)
Resilience is hard, but the good news is we get better at it each time we 'fall down', it is just practice.
It is so important that we each find the 'magic' potion that will get us moving again, moving past what ever it is that is bothering us. Unfortunately it is different for everyone, and may be different for you at different times along your journey. But I really think that what we are learning here at PN, by doing all these exercises is a massive database on ME... or as PN likes to call it "the Owners Manual".
I identified my Achilles heel way back on July 22 (day 2 of coaching) and I still struggle to overcome it every single day.
I have made my magic potion, my new 'mantra', my new focus for 2015
it is the word: ACT
short but powerful word
It also happens to be the very first lesson we learned about the power of the 5 minute action. I am building my resiliency and grit by learning to act even when I don't feel like it. To put my work out clothes on and my runners on, even when I don't feel like it. To commit to doing 5 minutes of exercise. To ignore the 'overwhelming' feeling that I have fallen off the wagon, and simply logon to PN coaching and just doing the habit and work out they tell me to do today. To ignore all the other habits and just ACT on the one thing I am supposed to do today. If I have fallen wayyy off course, just to pick one thing and ACT on it, like eat slowly or get out for a walk outside in the fresh air.
I am learning how to ACT, and how the idea of a 5 minute action can be my secret potion, my magnetic north, my recalculation... my resilience puzzle. It might not settle anything in my 'head' (e.g. anger or resentment) but it tends to push out negativity by replacing it with something that I am doing for myself, and by acting I find I can not 'think' too much because I am too busy doing or acting.
Here's to not being in the same place July 21, 2015!!!
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