so it has been a while...

Thursday November 7th, 2013
205.1 Lbs

I guess I haven't been here for a bit.
I guess I felt this (journaling my lack of progress) just wasn't working or helping my journey at all.
I would be wrong.
Any tool that I can use to help me figure out why I relapse is good.
Why do I self sabotage? is it because I am content? is it because I don't think I want it badly enough? is it because I don't think I need it enough? Do I need to find out I have diabetes or something seriously wrong with me to actually make progress on my weight loss? what is my problem? what is my WHY? WHY do I need to do this? WHY do I want to do this?

In my head I am thinner than I actually am

This is what I think I look like: (note: these photos are not from me at my smallest (142lbs), these are more like me at 160 - 170lbs)

This is what I really look like: (these are from April, August and October of 2013, when I weighed 205-212 Lbs)

There....
The truth hurts don't it!
My smile is the same :) and I'm a bit older... but I am seriously bigger, like 45 lbs bigger... This just goes to show me... even if I don't get to my idea weight, even if I just dropped to 160 or 170, I would look wayyyyy better :)
Perhaps it is easier if I only have to lose 30 lbs instead of 60 Lbs...
perhaps that is what I need, to get started... to lose the first 5lbs, and then the next etc... it all adds up

Operation Goal = 199.9 commences right now.
I am going to commit to losing 5 Lbs just so I can get below 200, then I will see about the rest. I would like to get below 200 by November 23rd.
So

I will weigh 199.9 by November 23, 2013

Now, I just have to go do it!